Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
