Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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