yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize