Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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