Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize