I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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