I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
