I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
