Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
