A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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