I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
