He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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