i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
