i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
