He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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