come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why do cheetos always look like penises
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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