My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
