I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize