Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
