He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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