a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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