my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize