Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
