I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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