there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
