with your own penis?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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