Sober January is a disaster.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
