there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
