I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
