My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
