Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drake has all the answers
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize