i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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