I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
