Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
