Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This house was built for laser tag.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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