the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just googled if crying burns calories
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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