I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
