call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
