Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
