Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the liver wants what the liver wants
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
