Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
