I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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