I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Fuck appropriateness.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
