She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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