T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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