So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
