if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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