Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
