Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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