i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
