I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
