Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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