omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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