I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize