I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
