We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
