What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
