Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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