It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
