you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
