i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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