Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
