i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
