Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
nutella sex= disaster
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
