Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
