I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
