she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
