imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
