You really coming over, don't trick.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
