Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
