Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
