beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
