lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
