Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
