He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
