Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
