I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
