your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Never let your siblings swipe right.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
