I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize